Yet another peer reviewed scientific study by a real scientist (Steven Clarke in PLoS) found a link between alcohol and living longer. He used these little worms called Caenorhabditis elegans nematodes (see image below):
He basically boozed them up. Normally, these tiny worms have a lifespan of 15 days. After he put them on a beer diet, they lived for 40 days! Heck, that means I should live past 200 years. One draw back was the tiny amount of alcohol he gave them. It turns out he diluted it to about the equivalent of a tablespoon of beer in a bathtub of water. However, I figure if a little is that good for you, a lot must be a whole lot better. So with my rate of beer consumption factored in, I am damned near going to live forever.