Thank God the Department of Homeland Security is ever vigilant and on the job

Keeping out terrorists?  No.  Gathering intelligence on attacks on US soil?  No.  Making air travel safer?  Not really.  How about preventing the poisoning of out food or drinking water.  Well, no again.  But Reebok and Under Armour need not worry.  DHS is right on the ball for them.  The Department raided a flea market that was selling knock off athletic jerseys.  Whew!  That is a load off my mind.

Damn straight I maced your Grandma, the chemicals that she used to turn her hair blue may have been freaking explosive!

Big sister and the Keystone Cops are at it again.  Once again you can rest easily.  According to the Leesburg, Florida Daily Commercial, Big Sister is right on the job:

But it was only Federal Protective Service officers with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security who were conducting a random training operation early Tuesday morning when they surprisingly showed up at the Social Security Administration office in downtown Leesburg.

With their blue and white SUVs circled around the Main Street office, at least one official was posted on the door with a semiautomatic rifle, randomly checking identifications. And other officers, some with K-9s, sifted through the building.

 Whew! That's a relief.  Wait a minute, the Social Security Administration office!?  So in addition to tracking the activities of peaceful political advocacy groups, and arresting photographers at political rallies, and let's not forget arresting people who complain to the VA (even though they admit the complainant had never made any threats and admit that even if there were a crime, it was a violation of a State misdemeanor statute) and certainly let's not forget that the DHS is now keeping hockey games safe for America--the Obama Administration's Department of Homeland Security is now pointing automatic weapons at retirees for my benefit and the general good.  OK, then.  That about says it all.

Yes Big Sis, I am a hockey fan

A (defending Stanly Cup Champion) Bruins fan, to be exact.  So I guess I am grateful that you have turned your ever vigilant, watchful and pa(ma?)ternal eye towards the ice sheet.  I can rest easier now that I know you are on the job.  Big Sister just released an announcement which said in part:

"Every citizen plays a critical role in identifying and reporting suspicious activities and threats," said Secretary Napolitano. "By expanding the 'If You See Something, Say Something™' campaign to the NHL, we are working together to ensure the safety and security of employees, players, and fans."
As part of the Department's "If You See Something, Say Something™" partnership with the NHL, a Public Service Announcement will be read before and during games, and campaign graphics will appear on the videoboard and on ribbon boards. Safety messaging will also be printed on the back of NHL Winter Classic credentials for staff, players, and volunteers. In addition, the Department has partnered with the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and City of Philadelphia to place "If You See Something, Say Something™" advertisements throughout Philadelphia at airports and gas stations, and on buses, trains and billboards.

I think this is a great idea.  Hmmm, where do I begin?  OK, I'll give it a shot:

1. Matt Cooke on the Capitals is an a$$hole thug who oughta be taken ought and shot or at least thrown in to Guantanamo.

2. The Sedins on Vancouver are diving, Euro-wussies who should be given skirts and told to sit in the corner while real men play a real man's game.

3. And don't get me started on every freaking Montreal Canadian who ever took a breath . . .